This is the second of Wieland’s reports of his time in the United States.
The Quadrature of the Circle
by Wieland V.
February 2007
“Many people have tried to explain the United States. Every one of them has failed.” With these words, the US-correspondent of the Bonn newspaper “General-Anzeiger” began the introduction to his new book about – guess what – life in the United States. This was two weeks before I left Germany.
Ignoring the irony of this situation, he tried to do exactly what he had condemned before. I probably don’t have to mention, that also he failed. Not to make the same mistake, I won’t even try to provide you with information and facts about the USA, but I will try to give you a small idea of my chaotic emotional life, which is often overwhelmed by impressions.
Home, Sweet Home
The idea, that I could miss Germany because of its bread or other culinary treasures seems pretty strange to me. That’s why I usually answer the question of what I miss most about home, with “I don’t know. Nothing.” But since nobody believes me, and I want to satisfy peoples’ curiosity, I often respond with “No speed limit on the autobahn”, followed by a diabolic grin. Over time, I learned that people don’t react with admiration and respect, but with discomfort and horror.
My refusal to let any kind of homesickness come up, does not necessarily mean that I found the promised land, as the pilgrim fathers did. To the contrary! Often I lie in my bed at night, afraid of having hurt peoples’ national pride with critical comments. Shouldn’t I be grateful for being able to live here?
Being Guest at Friends (slogan of the 2006 soccer world cup in Germany)
There are lots of reasons to feel good about living in the US. It was overwhelming for me, how many church members came to me during the first weeks, talked to me and even invited me over to their house. Maybe I was a little bit prejudiced about American small talk and therefore didn’t take it too seriously, but actually they did. No matter if it was at a nice dinner or a NASCAR afternoon. On Thanksgiving, I came to the Edens’ house right from the beach, where another family had invited me. On Emerald Isle, for the first time I realized how unfair the world must be, when I go out fishing on a boat and at the same time some of my old classmates have to crawl through the mud serving in the army. But I immediately erased this thought again.
Generally, Americans are very open and friendly. Even how they say “Good morning” sounds more like an euphoric outcry than a businesslike greeting. Another thing is, that people always call each other by first name, no matter whether it is at work, at church or the waiter in the restaurant. This creates a very friendly atmosphere.
My willingness talk makes it easy for me to get to know new people. And as soon as someone recognizes my German accent, I can’t get away without answering at least ten questions. And, although I could literally repeat the story, about when and why and for how long I’m staying here, even if you woke me up at 3 am, I’m not tired of telling it, but am happy that people care.
On the other hand, I had to learn how to estimate compliments. Whereas in Germany it seems to be the biggest compliment if nobody criticizes you, here my simple presence is often recognized as “wonderful” or “fantastic”. I also learned not to start my job with “Okay, I’ll do it”, but by saying “I’m happy to do it” and smile.
I still don’t understand the value of small talk about the weather, which is sunny and warm anyway in North Carolina, but I like meeting people who are in a good mood or being friendly to the cashier in the grocery store, even if this will be our only conversation for this month.
Dreams and Reality
Much more important than the superficial friendliness in the grocery store is the positive attitude that most Americans have about almost everything . Will (Dispute Settlement Center) and I teach the kids “Don’t believe anyone who says you can’t make it.” “Don’t rest before you’ve made the good better and the better perfect” is one of the slogans on the wall in the after school class.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t change the fact that the future of many kids will probably not be that perfect. Middle School teacher Laura W. told me that many of the black kids have a vocabulary which is only half of the vocabulary that the children from white middle class families have. Over the years, this difference seems to increase rather than decrease. One of the programs I work in for the Dispute Settlement Center, is called “Boomerang”. We work with high school students who are banned from school for a few weeks for insulting their teacher or beating up a classmate. It is hard to convince them not to drop out of high school, work for minimum wage and live off of food stamps for the rest of their lives, as their parents seem to exemplify it. Many of these students grow up in families, where nobody has a high school degree.
Pride and Prejudice
“What in the United States has surprised you most?”, I was asked by the mother of my friend Sam, Wanda H. when we were having dinner at their house. After thinking about it for a while, I said: “Americans have a very positive view on Germany.” Now it was her who was surprised.
Whereas many Europeans are still very reserved to Germans because of the war, here I’ve heard just good things about it. Our beer is so delicious, our cars have such a good quality, the people are so friendly and our great social system provides everybody well. Furthermore we are known for working hard, which is probably the biggest compliment you can get in the US. Sometimes I feel almost uncomfortable about this one-sided view and feel urged to say something negative about my country.
I can’t even confirm the prejudice about big patriotism in the USA. Okay, there is a flag hanging in every classroom, in offices, grocery stores and even some churches. I have to admit that Chapel Hill and Carrboro are not really representative of the United States, but please show me the city that is. For example, it surprised me that most people in the UNC football stadium didn’t sing the national anthem. I was probably expecting 40,000 patriots saluting.
An Island on Two Hills
My host mother Shirley often reminds me: “Chapel Hill is an island, don’t forget that.” It is indeed hard for me to believe that many schools in North Carolina don’t have sex education in biology class, and many people believe the world is 6,000 years old. And, at the same time, “Planned Parenthood” offers workshops about birth control in the church building and the university has meetings about global warming. As liberal as Chapel Hill is (85 % voted Democratic in the congress elections in November 2006) is, as conservative is the rural area around it. Whereas, in this college town eco-mania is reigning, grocery stores are selling organic food and hybrid cars are filling the streets, in the rural areas you see American flags hanging on every porch and in front of each house there are at least two trucks or SUVs.
Most people in Chapel Hill think that president Bush is the “worst president of all times”, and some people hate him so much that they compare him with Hitler, which I think is a little bit exaggerated. “He’s an idiot”, says my host mother Shirley regularly. Since the Democrats won in the congress elections last November, the political campaigns have already started and a lot of politicians have announced to run for president. Most people I know favour either Barack Obama (he would be the first black president) or John Edwards, who lives in Chapel Hill.
Ups and Downs
The awareness of having culture shock was not evoked by politics, but by things in my daily life. During the whole day, my mood is going up and down. For example: When my alarm rings around 7:45, I thank the US for starting work at 9 o’clock. Considering that I got up at 6 am almost every day for the last nine years, that’s a real improvement. On my way to work I admire the nice houses with the big yards, until I almost drive into the back of a huge SUV.
Two things drive me crazy:
1. Why does this woman have to drive such a tank, if she just has to drop her single child at daycare?
2. Why is she not driving 10 mph too fast like me, but 10 mph too slow?
If she then dares to wait five seconds after the lights turned green until she moves her tank out of my way, I almost lose my temper. But, fortunately there are the friendly co-workers and the nice weather in the south, which bring me back to a good mood again.
But, other bagatelles often put me into an emotional chaos. It amazes me again and again that the waitress refills my coke or coffee three times without my asking her to do so, which still doesn’t mean that I feel generous enough to give her 25% tips.
The best way to deal with it is to say to myself: “It’s neither better nor worse, it’s just different.”
Go Tar Heels!
Following the cliché that Germans are reserved and it takes a while to get to know them, it would be easy to assume that Americans are very friendly in the beginning, but relationships stay superficial. Another prejudice I can’t confirm.
The first part may be right; but on the other side I found lots of people who I had very deep and interesting conversations with.And if you don’t feel like talking about politics, you can still rely on the fact that most people here love college sports and support the “Carolina Tar Heels”. UNC has a great basketball team, where legend Michael Jordan played. During „March Madness“, the time when the national college championship takes place, you should always have the tournament schedule in your mind. In case you planned to have a business meeting or your wedding on a day when the Tar Heels play, don’t be surprised if nobody shows up. Another part of this fascination is the rivalry between UNC and the Duke University in Durham.
If you are among strangers, just say: “I’m a Tar Heel and I hate Duke”. The response will be roaring applause and you are surrounded by new friends. Easy integration, if you want to say it like this.
Many Nations under God
The US are considered to be the most religious western country and we are often alienated by stories about Christian fundamentalists – mostly the evangelicals. The mega-churches whose worship services are shown live on TV, look more like a sports arena than a church, and try to make me believe, that every given Sunday I must to be saved by Mr. Jesus, who will come back soon and judge all sinners.
Just accidentally I found the Bible Channel on TV and was disgusted when I saw how people prayed for donated money and promised that calling the hotline and leaving my credit card number would save my soul. But once again, I have to distinguish between what I’ve seen on TV and my personal experience in the United Church of Christ. Many church members I talked to don’t seem to believe in the literal creation of the earth.
The church provides a community for everyone. For me this is what a church should be like.
Intercontinental Greetings
I hope that I didn’t fail as journalist that I mentioned at the beginning did.Life in another culture is definitely a challenge, but also an enrichment for my personality. Not only do I learn to accept things that are new or strange to me, but I also reflect a lot about Germany and Europe and question things that I took for granted and considered to be “normal” or the “standard”.
Therefore I wish you and me six more great months!